Homestuck One-Shots
by V.L. Cari
Summary: A collection of one-shots written in 2011 with multiple pairings. Uploading here for reference.
1. A Picture Says 1000 Words

_And then suddenly: Homestuck. It's a bit of a shift from the consistent Durarara fics. However, once the show ended (before x2 came out) I got really deep into Homestuck. So, the next collection of one-shots I am posting here for reference as I clean out my computer are Homestuck related. Multiple pairings, multiple genres, multiple ratings. Hope you enjoy!_

 _Prompt/Theme: Black and White_

 _Rating: T_

* * *

"Happy Motherfucking Wriggling Day!"

Tavros jumped and yelped as the raspy voice of his best friend woke him from his dreamless slumber. The low blood troll rubbed his eyes, blinking up at the taller trolls that was hovering over his Recuperacoon.

"Oh..g-good morning Gamzee!" he smiled, pulling himself part way out, leaning over the edge. Gamzee grinned and dipped his finger into the sopor slime filled cacoon, and licked the green substance from his finger.

"Not nearly as miraculous as sopor pies, but still motherfucking delicious." He slurred, chuckling a bit as he set down the large purple polka-dotted package on the floor. "Need a lift?"

The brown blood troll rubbed the back of his neck and nodded, "Y-yeah. Thanks." Gamzee waved his hand in the air, "It's no biggie bro, always here to help a motherfucker out."

The high blood reached into the Recuperacoon, grabbing the smaller troll under his arms, lifting him up. "Up you go, haha." He held Tavros up in the air, dripping with slime over his bed, staring at him.

"Uh…Gamz? You letting me down?" Tavros asked quietly. Gamzee tilted his head and stared at Tavros for a bit longer before he grinned widely.

"Well God damn, your horns are so motherfuckin large. I'm totally jealous of that shit."

"Gamzee!"

Gamzee laughed at Tavros' flustered expression, and set him down in his wheelchair. He grabbed a nearby towel and started to rub Tavros' clean from the green slime, stomach grumbling a bit.

"Ahh man bro, you've got so much slime here. I'm totally running out over at my hive."

"Running out? H-have you been eating it all?!"

"Eh, almost all of it. It's so fucking delicious, I can hardly stop myself." Gamzee chuckled as he ruffled Tavros' Mohawk. "Alright bro, time for your wriggling day gift."

Gamzee plopped onto the floor and pulled the box into his lap, "In this box is the most magical thing I have ever laid my eyes on. And no bro, it's not faygo. Although, you're totally allowed to come over to my hive and drink all that shit up. So motherfucking full of miracles that shit is."

Laughing, Tavros rolled his chair forward a bit and reached over, "I promise I will. I just wanna see what this it!" Gamzee handed Tavros the crudely wrapped gift. It was a small box, not much bigger than a shoe box. It was wrapped with purple paper that shimmered and sparkled, with brown polka dots painted over it. A big purple box was placed on top, with a note that said "To My MoThErFuCkInG bEsT fRiEnD. HoNk! :o)"

Tavros shook the box a bit, holding it up close to his ear. Tinkerbull floated next to him, also hearing in the slight rattling inside. He gripped the ribbon with his teeth and pulled, snapping it in half, before he ripped off the paper in a rush. He opened the box, and saw inside a sleek black Polaroid camera sitting inside.

"Oh cool! This is one of those things the kids talk about, right?!" He exclaimed with a big smile on his face. He lifted it out of the box and held it in front of his face, looking through the viewfinder. "How do you work it?"

Gamzee stood up, his lanky body swaying slightly before he sauntered over, standing behind Tavros. "Let me show you bro."

He leaned over Tavros' shoulder, resting his chin on one of Tavros' horns, and held the camera out in front of them.

"Smile for the motherfuckin camera, Tav."

Tavros smiled widely, and jumped a bit when the flash went off, and a small piece of paper came out of the slot in the front. He reached forward, looking at the blank film.

"What's it gonna do?"

"Shake it up bro. Watch the miracles happen."

Tavros shook the picture, and soon saw something appearing on the film. He gasped as he soon saw the black and white photograph appear on the Polaroid.

He saw himself sitting in his chair, a bit of sopor slime still clinging to his hair. Tinkerbull was floating beside him, glowing lightly in the frame. And Gamzee was behind him, leaning forward and smiling widely, holding up his hands above his head. His two fingers were pointed out on each hand, the fingertips touching each other to created a sideways diamond over his head.

"It's awesome Gamzee! Thank you!"

"No problem bro, anything for a great motherfucker like you."

Gamzee reached into his pocket and pulled out a black marker and grabbed the photo, writing "HaPpY wRiGgLiNg DaY bEsT fRiEnD! :o)" With the marker. He handed back to Tavros and ruffled his hair, smiling as the low blood grinned back up at him.


	2. Christmas Pranks

_The next Homestuck one-shot inspired by a house hold object. With a twist._

 _Prompt/Theme: Cotton Balls_

 _Rating: T_

* * *

It's a strange fear, I know.

But I mean…I can't help it! It's always been this way! I blame the fact that I was buried in a box filled with them as a kid. Locked in a tight space surrounded and buried in the soft white void. And the fact that they cling to you, even when you're out of the box.

Yeah, it's like little white paws are all over you.

God damn, I hate cotton balls.

And I hate the fact I flip out so much when I'm near them.

One or two, fine. I can handle. But hundreds of them? Haha no way. No way I'm dealing with that shit.

Not many people know about this phobia I have. If they did, I'd no longer be as cool as I am. I'd be some pussy if people knew about that.

The only person who knows is my best bro, John. I know he'd never let it slip. He'd keep that secret with him to the grave, cause that's kind of guy he is.

I never expected he'd turn on me like this though.

It was Christmas. I had came to visit him for the holiday. His dad was making some sort of cake, and all John would scream was "Betty Crocker!" or something. I kinda tuned him out. Besides, he just stayed in his room most of the time and played some old school video games. That's when he said he had a early Christmas gift for me.

"Dave! I have a gift for you!"

"Egbert, it's not even Christmas yet."

"I know that, but I really wanna give it to you now! Please Dave, it'd be really cool of you to take it now! Please?" John begged, that annoying whining voice. He bounced up and down in his seat and kept flickering his gaze over toward the closet where I just _knew_ the gift had to be.

I rolled my eyes and held up my hand, making him stop talking. "Calm your tits and give it to me."

He jumped up and went into the closet, telling me to close my eyes. I decided to be cool about this and humored him a bit, and closed my eyes. I held my hand open, beckoning him to come over.

"Come on, lets see what you got."

He carried a big box over and dropped it on my lap, grinning that cheeky ass grin he always does. "Merry Christmas, Dave!"

I sighed and lifted the box, finding it to be extremely light.

"What the hell, Egbert. The thing empty?"

"Nope! Just open and see what's inside."

I shook my head exasperated, and ripped open the top, only to be bombarded with the devil's children.

And by that…I mean COTTONBALLS.

I fucking jumped three feet in the air and threw that box as far away as I could. I scooted back against eh wall and glared at the box, clenching my first.

"EGBERT. WHAT THE FUCK MAN?"

He giggled and grabbed a handful, throwing them at me. I think I might have squeaked as they clung to me, even when I was flailing around to get them off.

"JOHN! QUIT IT!"

I managed to grab a handful, shivering the entire time, and threw them back at him. He batted them away and threw another handful. Soon enough we were dodging like ninja's and throwing them like bombs, waging war on each other with the cotton balls.


	3. I Care

The next one-shot was a gift fic for the lovely Loonytwin. No prompt for this one!

Rating: T

* * *

 _Nice glasses, four eyes._

 _How can you even talk with that lisp, loser!_

 _Get away you psychic freak._

A pair of red and blue eyes skimmed over the comments on the screen, soaking them in. Normally he could brush off such stupid remarks, but not all at once. He couldn't handle a barrage of them. It was an army of hurtful words on his screen and they just kept getting worse.

 _Get off the internet Peasant._

 _You're no better than the Psiionic._

 _Go back to your Empress, Slave…_

 _Die, Mustard blood._

Growling, Sollux closed his laptop with a slam. He pushed it aside, getting up to pace around his room. Those idiots didn't get it. They didn't understand anything. Constantly hearing it from people who thought they were better than him pissed him off.

None of those damn midbloods and highbloods would understand what it was like being the way he was. It wasn't like he chose to be in this caste. It wasn't like he wanted to have a speaking impediment, or different colored eyes, or to have these powers.

All he wanted was to be normal.

But when he kept reading those comments on his blogs…kept seeing those insults on trollian…

Yelling, he used his psiionic powers to throw his laptop across the room. It smashed into the wall, pieces of computer scattering from impact. He stood there, panting harshly as he stared at his now destroyed computer. His fists were clenched, his eyes glowing and sparking with a power he was cursed with.

But after only a moment, he regretted that his anger for overpowering him. His rage dissipated, and he realized that he had made a stupid impulsive mistake.

"Shit!"

He walked over to the broken laptop, dropping to his knees to pick it up. He turned the cracked hard drive over in his hands, feeling angry tears stinging his eyes.

Look what they made him do…destroy the one thing he loved to do. His entire life was in that computer. And now it was gone.

"Tch…assholes…"

His grip tightened and tears fell as he struggled to fight back the insults that swirled in his mind. They didn't understand…they just didn't get it…

He jolted when he felt a hand on his shoulder, squeezing lightly. He looked up, his glasses somewhat fogged from his crying. But he could still make out the gray form of Karkat kneeling next to him, holding him subtly.

"Don't listen to those dumb asses."

Sollux dropped his now useless laptop, turning to wrap his arms around Karkat's shoulders. He hugged him tightly, burying his face into the crook of his neck. He could feel Karkat's arms loop around him, holding him awkwardly yet comfortingly.

They didn't need to speak. The simple gesture was enough for Sollux. He didn't need comforting words to mend his heart. After all, how could words possibly help him after hurting him so bad? But hugging…it was what he needed. It was a physical reminder that…that someone honestly cared.

Karkat understood how it felt to be a misfit. And knowing Karkat was there for him despite his blood color, or his lisp, or his abilities made Sollux feel just a little bit better.


	4. Knight of Time

_This one-shot is a drabble I came up with late at night while I was trying to sleep. Enjoy~_

 _Rating: T_

* * *

This isn't right. This was never meant to happen. It was only supposed to be a game, a harmless game. It wasn't meant to change my life. It wasn't meant to be this…this nightmare.

I wish I could go back in time and change this; change it so we didn't download the game, but I'm not even that strong. But He is. He's like me, in a sick and twisted way. He is jumping through time like it's no big deal, and he's wreaking havoc across all the realm of the game. He is a green faced monster determined to get rid of his sister, the only person who could possibly stop him before he kills us all; because we simply can't do it. How can we stop what is already here?

I can see the cracks forming in the void, streaking in a multicolored flash across the vast black vacuum of space. I look up and try to find a glimmer of hope in the darkness, but there is no hope now. Only understanding of who I was made out to be all along.

But who was I meant to be; a hero, a beacon of hope? That's not even my aspect. The only two people who could give us hope are gone; one in a self-proclaimed fantasy that resembles an Indiana Jones movie; and the other blinded by his own bigotry that eventually sliced him into two pieces as his genocide backlashed against him.

In a way, I am blind too. Hell, even the blind chick with the fetish for the color red can see the future better than I can, and it's covered in rainbow blood and hopeless dreams. We are doomed to fail and it is only getting worse.

That's where I step in. As a Knight, it's my job to protect; but how can I protect my friends when I can barely protect myself.

This isn't me.

This was never my plan. I didn't want to lose my Bro to some pissed off furry wearing a silly hat. I didn't want to watch my best friend die for my sake. I didn't want to have my world destroyed by meteors, or to have some extraterrestrial queen take over my session.

I never wanted to play this game, and yet this is all I can think about. I'm stuck in this black and bloody past, present, and future. The shadows of my actions haunt me, taunt me, and whisper all my mistakes until it fills my already heavy heart.

This isn't right. This was never meant to happen. I'm not a hero. I'm not a Knight. I'm just a kid in the wrong place at the wrong time.


	5. Peace

_Another gift fic for Loonytwin._

 _Rating: T_

* * *

He walked quickly through the make shift corridors, glancing behind him to make sure no one was following. He had promised not to disclose his moirail's hiding place. If Kanaya found out where he was, there would be another head to add to the pile that was slowly starting to reek. That was the first clue to the high blood's whereabouts. But no one ever came this far into the makeshift respiteblocks - or bedrooms, as the humans liked to call it.

Karkat found the small hidden tunnel easily, ignoring the faded brown stain on the floor that normally told him he was close. He was used to taking this path. He followed it, no longer afraid of the darkness or the small spaces. It was almost soothing, knowing that down here in the depths of the meteor, he could unravel and be himself.

He picked up his pace, panting lightly as he struggled to breathe in the toxic fumes of his friends corpses. He had tried to convince Gamzee to let go of them - toss them off the meteor into the void they traveled through. But he refused, sometimes reverting back to his sober self by screaming and cursing at the mutant. A pap and a shoosh later and he was usually back to normal.

But right now, Karkat was in need of a good papshoosh.

He pushed back the curtain, peering into the darkness. He could make out Gamzee's form - sitting on his pile of heads, staring into the dull and dead eyes of Tavros, or what used to be Tavros. After a year, his head was rotting and falling apart. The others mushed together over time. But Gamzee seemed to be intent on keeping the rust blood as preserved as possible.

"Gamzee."

The high blood turned, his dark eyes lighting up when he saw his moirail standing in the dull light that flooded through the corridor.

"Karkat…"

He still wasn't used to Gamzee sounding so eerily mellow. He brushed it off, walking forward with a grimace, "Your heads are stinking up the place." the Capricorn shrugged, not seeming to care that this hole he hid in smelled rancid.

"Is something wrong, best friend?" Gamzee murmured softly, setting down the head in his hands. He stood up, his thin and lanky body creaking as he moved off his pile to walk toward the smaller troll.

"Good to know you aren't completely fucking clueless." Karkat grumbled as Gamzee came closer. For someone who lived with rotting corpses all day, Gamzee tried his best to keep relatively clean. Though his skin was almost permanently stained with rainbow blood, he tried to not smell as bad.

"What's motherfucking wrong?"

Karkat sighed, sitting down on a bench - which was nothing more than a rock he managed to carry down so Gamzee wasn't living on just a pile of bones. Even makeshift furniture was better than nothing.

"It's…hard being a leader." Karkat said finally, letting his walls come down. Gamzee sat down beside him, frowning slightly. Karkat lifted his gaze to get a better look at his friend. His scars were finally healing over. Soon they would only be faded memories. Without the jagged purple streaks, Gamzee almost looked normal again.

"Ahh man…that's gotta be pretty fucking hard."

"It is hard! Especially when all of your friends are dead except a few, your matesprit is being hit on by some cool kid human, and your moirail is brooding in a cave of dead bodies! And no one cares to fucking listen when you try to get a fucking handle on anything! At least Sollux is guiding this fucking meteor in the right direction. Hopefully when we get to wherever the fuck that Rose chick is taking us, we'll be able to just…God I don't even fucking know!"

He was panting, wound up from angrily ranting out all the stressing emotions that bottled up inside of him. His lack of sleep wasn't helping much either.

Gamzee stood up, walking over to stand in front of his moirail to bend down and wrap his arms around him. "Shhh….just motherfucking shhhhh" he cooed, gently petting the top of Karkat's head. The small of the two rested his head on the other's shoulder, body quivering as he let himself unravel and turn into a jumbled mess.

He only let two people see him break down under pressure. The first person he'd confide in was currently flushing - intentionally or not - with that idiot human. And the second…

…well, he smelled like rotting flesh.

But at least rotting flesh was more comforting than his nightmares.

He clung to Gamzee, letting the frail troll comfort him until he was tired enough to try and sleep. For some reason, it was easier to sleep in a dark pit surrounded by heads, bloody drawings on the wall, and a mentally unstable troll than it was to be on the surface.

For being so thin, Gamzee was quite strong. He easily lifted Karkat, carrying him over towards another pile in the corner. This one consisted of various objects instead of heads. Although it wasn't nearly as comfortable as a "bed" or a recoopracoon, it was better than nothing. He curled up to his moirail, burying his face into his stained shirt.

For now, this was what he needed. Just a moment of silent peace where he wasn't the leader. Where he wasn't the Knight of Blood. Where he wasn't trying to keep everything from falling apart.


	6. See You on the Other Side

_This fic was inspired by the flash update Dirk: Synchronize._

 _Rating: T_

* * *

The miles are coming, searching for him as they fall from the sky. His world is turning to fire around him, trapping him on his rooftop. Beside him, Sawtooth fights off the red tendrils that will eventually kill him if he doesn't act soon.

He doesn't hesitate.

With a thumbs up from Sawtooth, Dirk captchalogs Squarewave and dashes to his room. He has a lot to prepare and little time to do it. His heart is already racing as he tries to keep calm. He can't mess this up. Everything needs to be perfect.

He plugs in his portal and collects the red totem, a bucket, and his sendificator and hops on his rocket board to continue his mission. He passes by Sawtooth and gives him the totem, leaving it in his care. That small cylinder was the least of his worries.

Diving into the portal, Dirk busts through the glass and heads through the void. The darkness swallows him, the only glimpse of light far from him in the distance. He sees the troll girl coming toward him and with a sudden movement he gives her a high five. He can't help it, he's feeling confident and in control. Everything was going smoothly.

In a flash, he's bursting through the other side of the void and he's at Roxy's home. Everything is on fire and crumbling around him. He zooms to Roxy's room, dropping off Squarewave before moving to save his friend.

As he holds her in his arms, he can't help but imagine how she died. From the gaping wound in her stomach, he can only imagine that the miles had gotten her. He had manged to escape the miles from his home, but she couldn't escape hers. They still lingered around her house. He had to move fast before they killed him too.

Dirk presses his lips against Roxy's, knowing it will revive her dream self. He hope that her dream self was prepared for what she had to do. After all, she would be waking to see his dream self passed out on the ground, and Jane dead. It would be terrifying to see such a thing. It terrified him knowing he'd have to expose another friend to such an image.

There was only one more thing he had to do. He sends the bucket he collected through the sendificator, knowing that it will go directly to Jake who is still KO'd. He wouldn't be for long, if everything went according to plan.

Holding the sendificator in his hands, he can't help but notice that he's trembling. His adrenaline rush couldn't block out the doubts and worries clouding his head. He knows that the red box in his grip was faulty. It was a prototype. It wouldn't be able to send him to Jake so he could continue his mission. It would soon be in Jake's hands. Hopefully Autoresponder would be able to guide him. Hopefully Jake would do his job.

Swallowing back the growing lump in his throat, he lifted the sendificator and held it above his head. His heart is racing and he's starting to sweat.

Was this the only way to save them all? Would everyone do their job? Or would they all fail before they even had a chance?

These were the thoughts that swirled in his mind. Yet the single question that lingered and haunted him was, " _would it hurt?_ "

He didn't have time to wonder. He didn't have time to be afraid.

Slowly, Dirk lowered the sendificator until it covered his eyesight. A flash of white blinded him before he was overwhelmed with cold darkness.


	7. Sick-Fire Confessions

_The final Homestuck fic._

 _Prompt/Theme: Confession_

 _Rating: T_

* * *

\- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 03:52 –

hey egbert  
listen  
i know that whole thing that happened tonight  
it was kinda weird but  
i finished that rap  
and since you logged off i decided to work on it a bit more  
i normally dont think this hard over a sick fire  
but you a special case i guess  
anyways  
here it is  
straight from the heart and the editing software

never thought you'd be with a strider  
hold on tight cause your just the rider  
im behind the wheel  
of this confession mobile  
revved up from a kiss i just had to steal  
what if i said my heart drummed like a hammer?  
STRONGER than equius and a fuckin sunslammer  
heart racing 5k and knots in my belly  
nitram says your the peanut butter to my jelly  
jelly filled cancers and spider bitches  
when your by my side you look so delicious  
delicious like grape faygo  
miracles from a clown foe  
those fuckin highbloods dont even know  
know what its like to be  
so smitten willingly  
you know its gotta be  
forever lonely  
eridans is pissed as can be  
on his sea pony  
wait i meant sea horse  
jk who gives a shit  
either way this beat is kickin it  
its kickin ass  
and their lickin it  
like a cherry red candy cane pixie stick  
sisters talkin bout it like its no big thing  
rose and jade approve and support this fling  
this fling that ive been craving  
and had me debating  
if it was worth the waiting  
and the mastur—  
whoa  
wait  
dont go too fast  
if you want this feeling to always last  
as the trollians say  
in their trollian way  
if were gonna fill buckets then its best to wait  
wait for a time to shine  
a time to cross the line  
to become intertwined  
as we pass the time  
the time from night to day  
we gotta light the way  
so we dont get lost while we stray  
from being best bros to more than we  
ever thought wed end up to be  
dont be afraid of homosexuality  
because at this rate its a possibility  
but itll only happen if youll allow me  
to break your 13 year old morality  
to be in a full fledged red flushed trollmance  
with yours truly

thats it  
if you dont answer  
or if you pretend this never happened  
ill take that as a no  
which im totally ok with  
but you know  
im hoping for an answer  
night bro

\- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 03:55 –


End file.
